Who let the dogs out?

I warn you my blood sugar is 66mg/dL right now. So the following is complete and utter nonsense, but hey it's Friday so who cares...

It's not news that the OC is full of some "cute" little kitties. But the time has come for the dog lover's of the OC to unite! Siah and her feline pals are on the verge of world (or at least OC) domination. Seriously Siah might just put her hat in the race for president. It must stop! So today I present my contribution to the OC pet world. Massimo & Finnegan, perhaps some of the best dogs out there. Dog lovers don't forget we also have Donna's cute pups and the amazing Dixie on our side.

Massimo.

Massimo & Finnegan.

Finnegan.

Note to self.

Do NOT check someone else's symptoms on WebMD (without that person's approval). Especially if that someone is your mother, you will find something terrible. It will lead to a sleepless night and stomach pain. Just wait until the doctor calls with the results. There is no need to scare yourself. Hopefully it isn't what WebMD and everyone else thinks it is. I know I'm being cryptic, I just don't want to talk about it until I know more. WebMD is no longer my friend.

I'll be back later.

I've become...

One of those weird home schooled kids.
It kind of freaks me out.

I have entire friendships that exist completely on the internet.
Don’t worry. I’m not talking about To Catch A Predator chat room friendships.

I’ve realized that Facebook creates a strange dynamic.
First it allows me to “stalk” people who I am no longer friends with. We’re talking elementary school friends and the boy I used to like. It’s horrible, I feel so creepy even admitting that.
It also has the ability to bridge the gap between myself and people I would never have been friends while we were classmates at my former school. It’s amazing how much a change in your “status” can draw people to your page. I’ve bonded with people over things like Juno, political views, and similar musical taste. In that respect it’s pretty fun.

Oh and let’s not forget the bloggers. It’s really weird to me that there are people I consider to be my "friends" who I’ve never met and are way older than me.

I’m actually slightly excited about my school prospects. (Shhh… don’t tell my mom or she’ll start bombarding me with questions.) At my old school it felt like I was going through the motions, stuck into a mold and a specific set of curriculum guidelines. Now I can see the options and all the possibilities that I have in regards to courses and my future. It’s a bit freeing.

I’ve starting writing in these little notebooks. One is for blog ideas, the other is for little ideas that come to me. I’ve never been a “writer”, I still don’t even think I am. I don’t like poetry, and now I’m writing things that are basically in that creative writing poetry realm. Writing used to feel like a chore and something I just did for a grade. It’s all less stifling, and I’m actually learning new things about myself.

Obviously the next logical step is joining some strange religious cult, right?

(I'm working on a new template, bare with the random hideousness you may encounter when you visit the blog through out the next few days.)

The 6th Sense.

Don’t worry, I don’t see dead people.

I do however have an innate sense about my blood sugar. Without a test I can guesstimate where I am, so a test never really brings a surprising result. Don’t worry I never rely on just the feeling, I’m a frequent tester. Some would say too frequent.

My 6th sense has always been based on little clues from my body. The earliest one I can remember is a shaking right leg at age 7. Lately this sense has been failing me. The signs have been changing, and apparently my body forgot to inform me that a new boss was in town.

The surge of heat I usually feel to warn me of a low now means nothing. The feeling of my hands being under a cold blow dryer, has lost it's accuracy. I’m not jolting out of my sleep through the night in my test, juice, repeat mode. Instead of being irritable I’m talkative. It’s now all about groggy middle of the night lows, and zoning out at 55mg/dL during the day.

The dry mouth isn’t a sign of a high, instead I’ve been feeling this weird weight on my chest. Headaches have never really been a definite cue, but now they are a sign of absolutely nothing. Highs aren’t making me sleepy, I’m still able to function. I’m feeling hyperglycemic starting at 150mg/dL, instead of over 200mg/dL.

It’s all very strange. I wasn’t ready for it. But as usual change is the name of the game when it comes to Type 1 Diabetes. I’ve been taking the “test don’t guess," motto to the extreme. It’s safe to say my poor fingers have taken a beating because of this. Just in case the old signs don’t come back, I’m learning the new ones. If the 6^th sense is ready to change, I’ll just have to do the same.

Because I shot myself in the foot.

After yesterday's post, in which I feel I came across as telling people how to be parents. I've decided that an explanation of sorts is in order. In no way did I intend to offend anyone that read that post. I decided to share my feelings, just as everyone else uses their blogs to express to whatever they need to. I wasn't specifically speaking of anyone, and to tell you the truth it's not so much the blogging parents. I did not intend for you to think I called your children damaged goods. In fact I meant to call them the opposite of that. I was trying to express that sometimes the words sting for me, although I'm not sure why. I know they are words about a terrible disease not me or your children.
Anyway, I've decided to put my foot in my mouth.


So I present a funny SNL clip that is related to this little meme of sorts...


The Inside the Actor's Studio closing questions.

I've always wanted to answer them. So here goes.


What is your favorite word? Possibility

What is your least favorite word? The "N" word, in any of it's various spellings or uses.

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? I love intelligent discussion, specifically when someone has an opposing view point from my own.

What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Dishonesty.

What sound or noise do you love? My dogs running into my room, their little feet make this cute noise on the hardwood floor.

What sound or noise do you hate? That screeching cat sound...I hate cats (I just keep digging my hole deeper with OC people).

What is your favorite curse word? I'll admit it. I drop the F* bomb occasionally, but I'm working on eliminating that habit.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Being a mother, of course not right now though.

What profession would you not like to do? A phlebotomist, have I mentioned that I hate blood?

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Told you so.

Have a good weekend and if you've got snow/ice like we do in Maryland, stay safe!
Feel free to take this!

Damaged Goods.

I will preface this post with the fact that some of you may not like what I have to say, and this is a borderline rant. I will also remind you that this is my personal place for my opinion, and that I know by posting this I give you the ability to respond in whatever way you see fit. Here goes…

As a whole I think I have gained a lot from the various online Diabetes resources. I’ve gotten information about pumps, tricks to fix hyperglycemia, and support from people who have never even met me.

While those are all great things, each time I stumble upon a post in a blog or forum about how much a parent hates diabetes, I feel hurt. Not only for me, but for those parents and children. I know that it’s not an easy disease to live with or manage. I know that it pains a parent to look in the eyes of their child while they are struggling with a low. I certainly know the terror and exhaustion that each shot or infusion set change can bring to everyone involved. But what I don’t know is why every time I read a post like this, I feel like I’m not good enough. I feel like damaged goods. Like we should all be traded in for the new improved functioning islet cell model.
I usually know that I am good enough. I'm healthier and stronger than a lot of people. I'm lucky. These posts break me down, and chip away at my attitude.

I want to scream, “If this is the only thing that’s wrong with your child, it’s not that bad!” I’ll admit that I don’t know what it’s like to be a mother or father and diabetes caregiver. But I do know what it’s like to grow up with this disease and now manage it on my own. There are definitely aspects that are completely terrible, but put that in perspective with the fact that there are so many other things that could be wrong in life. Each person is truly a miracle, there is no other word for it. To make it into the world and only have diabetes be what’s wrong, is quite amazing as far as I’m concerned. I really don’t know where I’m going with this. I just hope that these opinions are not being expressed in front of the children with this disease. I can only imagine how much damage that could cause, because it hurts me to read the words about a disease I also have. I’ve formed my own opinion about living with disease, and I hope that other children out there are able to do to this without the outside influence of their parents or other onlookers.

*2/21/08 2:45 PM Revision. After an email chat with Shannon.*

I know that it's not easy. When you are a parent you only want the best for your children, I get that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that your children should be okay, there are so many examples in the blogging community of happy, healthy adults living successfully with Type 1 Diabetes.

I just hope you can find peace with this disease for your own sake.

Behold the Magic 8!

Taken from the lovely Kerri, because I felt like a new post was in order but I don't feel like thinking today.

8 Things I’m Passionate About (in no particular order).
1. Crafts
2. Movies
3. Music
4. My friends
5. Being honest
6. Taking pictures
7. Getting to know myself
8. Politics

8 Things I Want to Do Before I Die.
1. Have a child
2. Live in Hawaii
3. Fall in love
4. Drive a car on the Autobahn
5. Make a difference
6. Learn to play guitar
7. Visit each U.S. State
8. See at least one set of the 7 Wonders of the World.

8 Things I Say Often.
1. "Come on."
2. "Okay."
3. "I think..."
4. "Juice box"
5. "Where's my tail?"
6. "I need to clean."
7. "Shower time."
8. "Puppies!"

8 Books I’ve Read Recently.
1. The Bluest Eye - Toni Morrison (started last night)
2. East of Eden - John Steinbeck (it fell under my bed and I never retrieved it...)
3. All American Girl - Meg Cabot (teen trash)
4. This Lullaby - Sarah Dessen (more teen stuff)
5. What Remains - Caroline Radziwill
6. Nick & Nora's Infinite Playlist - Rachel Cohen (It's going to be a movie staring Michael Cera, so I had to read it.)
7. There have probably been others I just can't remember titles.I'm ashamed to say I haven't been reading as many books recently. I've just been too lazy or I haven't actually finished them.


8 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over.
1. Die Alone - Ingrid Michaelson
2. Anyone Else But You - The Moldy Peaches (Yes from Juno)
3. The Only Promise That Remains - Reba McEntire & Justin Timberlake
4. Carolina In My Mind - James Taylor
5. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
6. The Fear You Won't Fall - Joshua Radin
7. The Heart of Life - John Mayer
8. Higher Ground - Stevie Wonder

8 Things That Attract Me to My Best Friends.
1. They accept me.
2. They are creative.
3. We're different.
4. I can sit in a room with them and not feel the need to talk.
5. I know they'll always be there.
6. They tell me when I'm wrong.
7. They don't mind that I don't like to talk on the phone.
8. They know I'm opinionated and honest.

People I Think Should Do Crazy 8s.
1. Feel free to take it.

In the Hands of a Six Year Old.

The year was 1991, and my parents found themselves preparing for the birth of their second child. As most of you know there are many aspects to anticipating the arrival of a new baby, and finding the perfect name was definitely on the list. My parents chose to have the sex of their baby revealed on the day of the delivery, so there had to be an option for both sides of the coin.

The name for their potential baby boy was an easy choice, Elliot Holland. Two names, one from each side of the family. Elliot, from my father, his middle name. Holland, from my mother, her maiden name. The name for a baby girl was a more difficult choice. So the most logical thing was to leave it in the hand of their six year old daughter, Élise.

Now there is a special significance to this decision. In 1968, after years of my grandparents hoping for another child, my mother’s new sibling was soon to be born. My mother was thirteen at the time, and my grandparents gave her the reigns when it came to the name for this special baby. She picked out Christopher James for her baby brother, and a tradition was born.*

Back to 1991. The fate of this possible baby girl was in the hands of a SIX YEAR OLD! First on her list was Cherise, the name of her favorite doll. Next came Jillian, after the main character of her favorite book, “The Wonderful Pigs of Jillian Jiggs”. There was also mention of just Child, but that was not accepted by our parents. So after doing as much toiling as any six year old can do, she came to a final decision.

On September 19^th, 1991, little Élise was decked out in her “I’m a big sister shirt,” my father was eating jelly donuts, and my mother was in what I can only assume was the most pain of her lifetime as the Randall family became four. The addition was a baby girl, Jillian Renée. My middle name is also Élise’s and our maternal grandmother's.

It turns out, the specific Jillian Jiggs book my sister had was some what prophetic. The character was a spunky girl with a love of crafting, just like me. The complete meaning of my two given names is girl reborn. I also think this fits. I’ve been through many trials in my short life, with each I have triumphed and grown into what I can only hope is a better person. Giving a name is a powerful thing, and although I did not have the opportunity to choose my own, I am happy with it and it’s story.

*My sister has mentioned plans to continue this tradition with her future first and second born.

Valentine's Day!

Okay so usually I'm a cynic about the whole love thing,
but if you're not,
then here are few links to help you celebrate the day:

This one has to be one of my favorite posts by Kerri.
It's seriously top notch, not that that's hard for Kerri to do!
It's from 2/14/07,
who knows what wonders she has in store this year!
I'm sure it's something even more romantic!

You can also check out 1 Million Love Messages.
A blog that shares love messages from around the world!

Stop by Postsecret there's a Valentine's theme this week.
My favorite is the one with the Claddagh Ring.

And to top it all off.

Just a small part of an amazing love story that involves
chronic illness, faith, and a beautiful miracle baby.
Nathan at Confessions of a CF (Cystic Fibrosis) Husband
shares a piece of their wedding day,
for his valentine Tricia.
(Check his site through out the the day
he is updating with multiple parts for Tricia!)


Happy Valentine's Day!

Just Because...

You are breakfasty, like a pile of pancakes on a Sunday morning that have just the right amount of syrup, so every bite is sweet perfection and not a soppy mess. You are a glass of orange juice that's cool, refreshing, and not overly pulpy. You are the time of day that's just right for turning the pages of a newspaper, flipping through channels, or clicking around online to get a sense of how the world changed during the night. You don't want to stumble sleepily through life, so you make a real effort to wake your brain up and get it thinking. You feel inspired to accomplish things (whether it's checking something off your to-do list or changing the world), but there's plenty of time for making things happen later in the day. First, pancakes.

I'd have to say I agree and I like this a lot.

Thanks to Julia & My Slice of Life!

Tomorrow... My name story!

The Saddest Wedding Story.

I'm sure no bride expects their first dance to be the last, but that was the case for the 36 year old woman who was the subject of an article I read this morning. I always check my email as soon as I can each morning, and to do that I have to go to the Yahoo homepage. Right beneath a picture of Amy Winehouse and her Grammy headline, was a smaller but more shocking one, "Bride dies during marriage's first dance." At first I thought to myself, "that is so sad", but then I clicked on the link and read the story. I couldn't believe my eyes, at only 36 a Type 1 Diabetic woman dies on the dance floor in the arms of her new husband from heart disease. I can't help but think of her poor husband and family, but I'm also scared. Scared that this could happen to anyone of the wonderful Type 1 Diabetics I now know. I wish the article had more details explaining exactly what caused it and if the the Type 1 was a big factor, but I understand the report needs to respect the family's privacy. I just really want to know why. All I want to do now is go to a cardiologist or whatever kind of doctor can tell me I'll be okay. I'm sure I'm completely overreacting. It's just that it hit home. Life is really so fragile, and can be turned upside down in just a matter of moments.

Saturday Sussy!

My sussy finally arrived! It was from my wonderful buddy over at Diabetes 365, Daena. She also has a blog, if you want to stop by and take a peak. Daena lives in Singapore, so that's why it took so long. It was definitely worth the wait though. She sent me a bunch of little goodies that I'm already enjoying. Note cards, stickers, sticky notes, Band-Aids to replace the Hello Kitty ones I use for site changes, mini clothes pins, and paper for the cards and other crafts that I make!





Here are a few pictures of the sussy I sent to Lauren (largar) from Diabetes 365.

I've really enjoyed this whole thing. It's been a great way to get to know the interests of members of the communtity and it's definitely brought us a little closer together. So a big thanks Beth & Amylia! Oh a heads up to participants, there is a great thank you coming from the lovely Sussy Circle ladies. I've already received mine and I LOVE it!
Enjoy what remains of your weekend!

Please join me...

As I skip down the steps! Sing at the top of my lungs in the car! Jump around in the living room!

Why you may ask? 6.8 is why!!!! Yep that's what my A1c result was today. I mentioned the test here, but I wasn't expecting to be this excited. Thanks to my dedication, the Diabetes OC, and my pump I've set a new personal record. It feels so good. It's (sadly) the best A1c I've ever had. I got a high five from my doctor and he said my averages were "beautiful". Okay I'm off to continue dancing!

XLII.

Eli and the Giants are going to Disney! I'm sure my cousins are very happy about this, and really so am I. I'm pretty sure I sprained my ankle when Plaxico made that touchdown, I jumped out of my chair and landed a bit funny. It was worth it. I hate the Patriots, and to think I just gave 20 bucks toward a Patriots jersey for my friend Chris' birthday...haha.

PS.
I love the Manning Brothers! If you haven't seen Peyton's SNL appearance I suggest a little tip over to YouTube.

Random Thoughts on Super Bowl Sunday.

I haven't updated in a few days. So I'm just going to throw out a few things that are on my mind.

- Tom Brady is not cute. I much prefer the Southern charm of Eli Manning.
- Teenage boys are weird. Trust me this was proven yesterday. My friend Christian decided it would be fun to eat a dog treat while we were all hanging out.
- Who the heck is Tom Petty and why the hell did Justin Timberlake & Janet Jackson have to subject the world to horrible Super Bowl half time shows post "wardrobe malfunction"?
- Playing Scrabulous (Facebook user's know what I'm talking about) when in the midst of a low, might not be the smartest idea. It leads to the creations of many strange and nonexistent word choices.
- Still no sussy for me! Hopefully it will be here tomorrow. It's been so fun watching everyone receive their gifts that I just can't wait much longer!
- Jordin Sparks did not sing the national anthem live (fyi), and she so does not look my sister (my crazy Aunt Jacqui thinks she does.)
- My friend Jordan's little sister wants to be called Tay Tay Mcafee (her real name is Taylor).
- I am stressed out by the Giants first half play, this can be documented by the state of my hair. You see I tend to run my hands through my hair when I get stressed. The only problem is when you have extremely curly hair like I do, you end up looking like Don King.
- I have an Endo appointment on Wednesday. My first A1c since pumping and since August for some reason will be revealed. I'm thinking 6's, we'll see what happens.
- I have a cold and I could be slightly delusional at this time.